Perverts and Sasquatches

At the cabin. Mom, Fire, and I all left a couple days ahead of Dad, who just caught up with us yesterday. Someone was banging on the cabin. I don’t know if any of you remember the cabin, but if you so much as walk with a heavy step, you shake the whole place, all 800 sq. feet of it. And someone was banging on it. It was like a manmade earthquake. Laughing, Mom went to the door. This was just the sort of thing Dad would do to get a laugh out of us, and he was coming up that day.

“Helloooo?” she called, still laughing.

***Assuming my dad's name is Robert, and my mom's name is Rachael, here's the rest of the story***

“ROBERT! Robert! Robert! Robert!” we hear someone squawk. It most certainly was not my dad, and it was coming from under our deck. Under our deck. Why in the world was someone squawking under our deck? I’m working on a quiz in the other room, away from people, so I only get the audio of the situation.

“Robert! Nowhesoldmechickensandandandand-nowweneedtodisscussthis!”

I poke my head out the door and get Fire’s attention before signing to her, ‘What in the world? Who is this?” She signs back that now is not the time. She’s in the living room, which is the room that the front door opens up into. So she has the perfect view of the situation.

“I’mgetting-andIgotadozen-adozeneggstodayfromthese-thosechickens!”

“Oh yeah?” my mom said. She’s using the tone she uses when she’s ready to end the conversation. “Well, Robert will be home soon so I’ll tell him you stopped-”

“Oh no! He’s here. Hefollowedmeuphereandnowhe’shere! Butweneedtodisscussthesechickens!”

I raise my eyebrows at Fire. Normally, when we sell an animal, she’s the one who makes sure they’re going to a good home. Even if it’s something like a chicken which will likely end up dinner, she makes sure. And she and Dad sold their chickens to this guy? She gives me a look that tells me to go back to my test, but in a way that’s says ‘haha, I know something you don’t’. So my sister keeps me wondering for a while.

Eventually Dad comes up and the guy invites himself into our cabin. Mom invites him to sit down, but by now it’s clear that he’s much to hyper to sit down. I poke my head out again and get my first glimpse of the man. He looks like he’s in his sixties and has a long beard. He, Mom, and Dad talk, and pretty soon Fire comes in with me. We go into gmail chat when our sign language vocabulary runs low, but the situation proves to be too much for mere words, so we just listen. The door’s open, and we’re in plain sight to anyone who wants to see us. Eventually, the guy start hopping from time while he’s talking, and one of those hops lands him in front of the door to where Fire and I are. He starts to hop again, still talking, but suddenly freezes and looks at me.

“You got pretty hair. Don’t ever cut it. The boys’ll go absolutely nuts over your hair. Keep it long!”

And then he goes on talking about what he was talking about before, hopping away and leaving me to blink at the empty door way.

“You-you-you-you-you- what’s your name?” he finally asks my Mom. Before she can answer, Dad cuts in.

“Bob.”

“Bob? Alright then, see here, Bob, this here is-”

Mom busts up laughing. “Rachael!” she says, but I don’t think the guy heard her.

Eventually, Dad decides it’s time to get this guy out of the cabin, and turns to the one topic that every person in this town loves to talk about: beer.

“We need to go to the bar.” He says, herding the guy towards the door.

“We ARE going to the bar!” The guy says, sounding on the brink of having a heart attack at the idea that they might not go to the bar.

“I know. We’re going to the bar.”

“Oh, well do you want me to drive you? My tractor is right next to your driveway.”

“No, that’s fine. I’ll take my truck.”

The guy ducks under Dad’s arm as he reaches to the door handle and gives Mom the evil eye.

“Now, we can take my tractor so that somebody doesn’t get in trouble!” Dad smiles and gets behind the guy again, sandwiching him between himself and the door.

“I won’t get in trouble. My wife has a car. She can come and get me if I need her to.” He says, reaching for the door again, and once more walling the guy in.

“But what about the girls? Who’s gonna watch them?”

“I’m sure they’ll be-”

“You can’t leave these beautiful young girls alone here with perverts and Sasquatches in the woods!” He roared, jumping away from dad again and coming over to Fire and me, giving us the evil eye now. Dad casts his gaze heavenward.

“Girls! Let me tell you something!” and he goes on to talk about his Valentine’s Day this year and last year. I’m sure there’s a moral somewhere in his story, but for the life of me, I still can’t find it.

Dad once again herds the guy to the door, and quickly closes it behind them before the guy can jump back in.

In any case, I was able to complete my exam with a few minutes to spare. :D The teacher has graded only one thing since the beginning of the quarter, so I don’t think I’ll get my grades for it anytime soon.

Things due: essay on Friday, research paper on the 5^th and a quiz tomorrow. See you later.